As I get further and further into my career as a provider of marriage counseling in Bethesda MD, I have come to better understand just how much attitude and mindset about marriage has a significant impact on how a couple tackles issues and, ultimately, the outcome of therapy. When entering a marriage, or if you are already married, ask yourself how hard you are willing to work to make a marriage work. Whether you are entering a marriage or have been married for years – ask yourself: Is divorce an option?
This might seem like a strange question for Chevy Chase marriage counseling therapist to ask a soon to be married person. Of course people don’t go into a marriage thinking that one day they will be divorced! However, some people are much more open to divorce as an option and, ultimately, are less likely to put in significant hard work to save a marriage. I find that some of the work I do as a therapist is to help people examine what attitudes they have about marriage and divorce and share those with their partner. Through this process, you and your (future) spouse can gain a better understanding of your expectations of marriage and those behaviors that may or may not be acceptable to make the marriage last.
Questions to consider are: What reasons do you feel are sufficient reasons to divorce? What have you learned from your own parents about making marriage last? What do you want your marriage to be like in five years, ten years, twenty years and so on? How much work are you willing to put into your marriage to make it last? What values, religious beliefs, and/or people guide you in your approach to making a marriage last?
Additionally, statistics show that people who have parents who are divorced are more likely to get a divorce unless they are married to someone whose parents stayed happily married. Perhaps this is because they were never shown the skills necessary to stay married or perhaps because divorce was modeled as a viable option for you. If you are entering a marriage and you have divorced parents, I believe it is of utmost importance for you to do a self-assessment of your attitude towards marriage and have a realistic view of the challenges you might face. Consider pre marriage counseling in Chevy Chase or marriage counseling in Northern Virginia as a tool to help you face these questions.
No matter where you are in your relationship, having an experienced couples therapist Chevy Chase MD can trust help guide you through this process can be very helpful. Feel free to contact one of the therapists at Lindsey Hoskins & Associates to further explore this with or without your spouse/partner.