Marriage Counseling Bethesda MD
The couples counselors at Lindsey Hoskins & Associates know that working through a marriage crisis can be difficult, which is why we suggest scheduling a session for marriage counseling in Bethesda, MD. It may seem like the struggle is too much and there is no hope for your marriage, but before signing those papers, we recommend going through our couples counseling program to save your marriage.
When you and your spouse find that you are constantly arguing over things like loading the dishwasher a certain way, leaving piles of clothes around the house, or who should pick up kids after soccer practice, divorce is likely a thought that has popped into your mind. It may even be something that you and your spouse have talked about at great lengths and are beginning to pursue. However, before starting the process of getting divorced and speaking with lawyers, you want to ensure you are making the right decision for you and your family.
Top Things We Want You to Consider Before a Divorce
When divorce is on the table, speaking with a couples counselor during marriage counseling in Bethesda, Maryland can help you and your spouse to know whether divorce is the right option or if your marriage can be saved.
- Date Your Spouse. Making time to see your spouse can get even more difficult as you both find yourselves busy with work, hobbies, social engagements, and children. However, stopping to remember why you fell in love in the first place can bring back the romance in your marriage. Be intentional about spending time with your spouse. Get to know them again through activities you can do together and taking time to go on dates.
- Don’t Avoid Conflict. You may choose to avoid conflict because you don’t want to cause problems. However, avoiding conflict and serious discussions can build resentment and cause you and your spouse to avoid communicating. If you disagree with your spouse or get upset by something, communicate it to them in a respectful manner.
- Decide if there is any part of the marriage worth saving. When you do not believe the marriage is worth saving, you likely won’t be working very hard to save it. However, if you and your spouse can locate a specific reason you would want to stay married—even if they are small reasons—focus on those positive points instead of entertaining the negative ones.
- Determine if This is a Rough Patch. Unfortunately, a rough patch can last months or even years. If there was a relationship crisis, don’t expect to work things out right away. It can take a long time to regain your spouse’s trust or a long time to give that trust your spouse again. Allow for whatever time is needed so that you can begin seeing the solution to help rebuild your marriage.
If you and your spouse are considering a divorce, talk with the couples counselors about marriage counseling in Bethesda, to see how we can help you find solutions to the conflicts in your marriage.
3 Exciting Tips to Revive Your Marriage
Have you ever heard yourself or your partner say: “You always _______”?
Or maybe you’ve heard or said: “You never _______.”
At Lindsey Hoskins and Associates, these are typical accusations we hear couples in marriage counseling make to one another, especially if they’ve been married for a while. Often times, a fight breaks out after those words, leading to anger and resentment. Blanket statements like “always” and “never” can lead to hurt feelings and cause you or your partner to feel unappreciated.
Sometimes, what comes out is that partners think no matter what they do, it will never please or be enough for their loved one. Those words can have an impact on your ability to connect and have long-lasting effects on your partnership or marriage.
We often use the “a” and “n” words as negative reinforcement to motivate our partner to change their behavior. We may even know it is hurtful, alienating, and untrue. Our human nature is at the core of this, and placing the blame elsewhere is a mechanism that protects the ego.
If you find that you have a tendency or are quick to place the blame on your partner, there are some alternative ways to communicate your needs. Here are some things that couples learn from Bethesda, MD marriage counseling:
Take a Pause
Slowing down and regaining self-control is an important skill to master. If you feel your words coming out faster than your brain’s ability to process the situation, you could end up regretting what you’ve said. Instead, take a pause and slow down. Take a deep breath and regain your lost perspective. Your partner is human, after all, and he or she is not perfect, and neither are you.
Say instead: “I love you and I need a few minutes to clear my head and regain my calm before we continue.”
Seek to Understand
Seeking to understand before being understood is essential in a partnership. When you expect perfection from your spouse, you can also become frustrated by their inability to comply or lack of maturity. It’s helpful to ask some clarifying questions to gain a better understanding of their point of view.
Say instead: “I’m trying to understand your perspective. So, what I hear you saying is _______. Is that correct?”
By asking questions to gain a greater understanding, you are giving your partner a chance to communicate to you as best they are able their feelings and what’s in their heart.
As a couple, you can set goals for your marriage such as working on improving communications or always checking with each other before making plans. Aim for not being quick to place blame at the first sign of a slip-up or backpedal, especially if your partner has been applying a great deal of effort.
Say instead: “I see you’ve been working really hard at _____ and I applaud and really appreciate your efforts!”
This statement empowers your partner to love you even better, while the other response takes away all of his or her motivation to try at all.
If you’re interested in learning more about these or other ways to navigate your relationship and return to marital bliss, contact Lindsey Hoskins and Associates and set up an appointment for Bethesda marriage counseling.
Strengthening Your Marriage
In addition to receiving counseling to help revive your marriage, there are things you can do in between sessions to help strengthen your relationship. Any couples that have successfully been through counseling will tell you that it’s not an instant fix and does require effort on the couple’s part. These three tips will help you breathe life back into your marriage as you are working on your relationship in counseling.
Tip 1: Put Effort In
Generally, many couples turn to Maryland marriage counseling in Bethesda because they feel that their partner isn’t putting enough effort into the marriage. You may crave more communication, intimacy, or romance and all of those acts are forms of effort. So it only makes sense that one way you can improve your marriage is to put in more effort.
Don’t wait for your partner to take the first step and show you some effort before you reciprocate. That’s the fastest way to failure. Instead, reach out and do something nice for them and you might be surprised at the effort you get back.
Attending a therapy session may give you some ideas for ways you can show your spouse you’re making an effort. A few examples include writing a romantic note for your spouse to find in the morning or sending them a text in the middle of the day to let you know you are thinking about them. It doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does need to be consistent.
Tip 2: Be Adventurous
Successful marriage counseling may require you to do things a little differently than you have in the past. After you’ve been married for a little while, it’s easy for the new to wear off in the relationship. You have similar friends, your interests have likely combined, and there is nothing new and exciting to learn about the other person on a regular basis like when you were dating.
This alone may be a contributing factor to divorce. The excitement and new wears off and couples get bored. Marriage counseling may be able to help you identify and create new opportunities to be adventurous in your relationship and bring the excitement back to your marriage you once felt.
Tip 3: Bring Back Date Night
Some couples get married and assume that dating life is over. While it is true that you shouldn’t be going on dates with new people, you don’t have to stop dating your spouse. Take the time to make a date night one night each week. Dress up, stay in or go out, and use that time to really connect with each other.
In addition to marriage counseling, regular date nights may be one of the quickest ways to revive your marriage. It’s a great way to have fun together and reconnect after a long week.
Going to counseling is a good first step at reviving your marriage, but don’t let that be the only thing you do. Take consistent action at home as well. If you are looking for MD marriage counseling in Bethesda call Lindsey Hoskins and Associates today.