As the new mother of an eight week old, I am learning a lot about making every moment count. For all couples, but especially new parents, the tone that is set in the morning can make a big difference in how partners relate to each other and feel about their marriage throughout the rest of the workday.

We’ve probably all heard about “making coming and going count.” On the way out the door in the morning, instead of just giving each other a quick kiss “goodbye” and closing the door, we’re supposed to take a few extra seconds to linger on the kiss, or take another minute to ask a specific question about the day ahead. These efforts shift the tone from autopilot to attention.

This is great advice!

But sometimes, it’s not possible to linger at the door in the mornings. Sometimes you’re rushed because because you overslept or you’re distracted because the baby is crying and needs attention. Or sometimes, it’s just a normal morning routine to get ready for the day without really interacting with each other. On these days, the tone of an abrupt “goodbye” can linger and get in the way of maintaining emotional connection during the workday.

One way to avoid that lingering tone is to make a specific effort to connect during the workday. Not to discuss the grocery list or decide who is going to pick up the dry cleaning, but a conversation focused on expressing affection, for no other reason than to be loving and kind. This kind of phone call over lunch or email in between meetings can go a long way to set a different tone: one that says, “I care about you. I want to pause from my busy day to purposefully connect with you and tell you that I’m thinking about you. I love you.” Hopefully, through purposeful connection the rushed tone of the morning will be reset… and maybe you’ll enjoy a more loving reunion in the evening, too!

What other tips do you find useful in staying connected with your partner during the workday? Please share in the comments!